So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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