I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
