also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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