This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
