Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
