Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
