Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
