I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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