How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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