he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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