No stitches, just platelets and will power
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dignity is for republicans.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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