I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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