closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
