is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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