I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
