i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
