Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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