farters have to be the big spoon...
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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