I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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