She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Everclear isn't food dammit
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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