i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
