Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
