you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
