Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My ass is underappreciated
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
