Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Randomize
