An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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