guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
