please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
