Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
