Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
