So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
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