I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I have tasted many bathrooms
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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