Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
