A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
