Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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