Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
