If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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