Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
