I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
