piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
