Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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