I bet he comes in French.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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