How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
