Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize