put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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