I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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