well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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