Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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