Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
