It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
