I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
