every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
