Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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