sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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