my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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