she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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