no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
