Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
