last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The beer is more important than you right now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize