I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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