I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
