Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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