Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
