i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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