I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
