I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
