A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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