Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
