I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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