woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
