Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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