just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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