so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
