i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
